Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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