i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
