No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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