He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she pinky promised me she was 18
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
