If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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