I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
