The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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