Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
