I am in a vortex of obligation.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
