The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
