well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
