i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
