You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
