i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
