wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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