dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
