It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
