I heard we made out
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
