I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
