i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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