Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
