i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Come see our sink grown plant.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
