my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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