You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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