you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize