whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
