Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
