OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
