he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
