my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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