Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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