so that wasnt chicken after all
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
