the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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