I smell stomach acid.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
