walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Randomize
