Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
