You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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