If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
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