The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
