there's paper in my vomit.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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