I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
