I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
