So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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