So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
