I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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