need another drink. this is the easiest way
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
