I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
