hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
do nipples grow back?
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