sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
