i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
