Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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