i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
