I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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