I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
