Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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