She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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