You made me cry and you don't even care
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
