so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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