Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My hand turned me down
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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