I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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