just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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