Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
