tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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