Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
