Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
