So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
