opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
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Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
All the doctor said was why
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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