did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
