Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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