You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
