i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
