ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
