i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
