She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
