This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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