so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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