If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
